well...

i sung for about two hours today. it felt wonderful. there aren't a whole lot of things in this world that make me happier than singing. or playing piano. or just listening to music. it's the best feeling to just put away your troubles for three minutes and let the music engulf you, let it take over all your senses.

when i'm singing, i pretend like there is a huge crowd, hanging on my every note, and then i open my eyes and no one is there. just me and my stereo. i finally got the courage to start putting videos on youtube. they don't sound the best, but whatever, i guess. i am showing my fellow youtubers how much i love to sing, not trying to get famous, although that would be a wonderful perk of putting videos on youtube. the chances of that happening are slim to none though :P. 

i used to wish that i could just drop everything, move to new york city, find an agent and start performing. then i realized that life happens, and most people never even get one casting. it's the sad, bitter, real truth. i wish it weren't, but that's why i'm in college. studying nursing. don't get me wrong, i am really excited about becoming a nurse and helping people heal, it's just not as glamorous. we all need a little glamour in our lives. hell, maybe i'll try out for American Idol, or just sing in a piano bar on the weekends. either way, i will always want to be known as The Nurse Who Sings. here's the link to one of my videos: www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKozyHhmdgo

peace, love, and watermelons

maria d

some things

some things have happened over the past few weeks that made me judge my own character. unfortunately, there is nothing i can do to take back what i did, but it gave me an entirely new perspective, and i can truly say that i will not judge anyone ever again. 

it's so crazy how life changes. you grow up in a seemingly perfect world where your parents protect you from life's harms. you're naive, and think that no one has cruel intentions, or that no one will hurt you. then you leave the nest. you're flying on your own, and things happen. mostly good things, but bad things as well. and you don't know how to deal with them. you can't talk about it because then people will judge you. how do i know? because i would judge me if i was told. so you go through the darkness alone to avoid humiliation and hurt, all the while hurting yourself more, not taking the pain away. so, so strange how life works.

and then there are good people. kind people. who lose things that they don't deserve to lose. a mother who loves her child until the day she dies at three months of age, or a teenager who is raped and loses her innocence too soon, or a man who goes to the ER with a headache and his children go home without a father. 

i have faith. i believe in God. but i have a hard time wrapping my mind around free will. it's mostly a good thing, but when these instances (i like to call them free radicals) happen, you can't help but to think, "why doesn't this Higher Power, God, prevent these things?". we are always looking for something or someone to blame. and i've come to the harsh realization that shit happens. sometimes we don't know how or why, and most times it's extremely painful, but there's nothing we could have done to prevent it, or everything was done to salvage what was left of a terrible situation. life is hard. every day is a struggle to survive for someone. we just have to appreciate everything we have with all our being.

hug tighter

kiss longer

laugh harder

smile more

let the little things go

tell them you love them

because in the end, all we have is who we love.