Well, folks. Life right now is a little tumultuous, I'll say. Currently, I'm doing some work on nights at KU Med Center in the CV PCU, which has been phenomenal so far. The staff is so great, and everyone has been really welcoming, and I'm learning so much. There's been a lot that's happened over the past few months, both great and terrible, but life is about lessons and learning from them, and that's exactly what I've chosen to do. For those of you who know what happened, we'll keep it at that. Someday, I'll be able to divulge, but right now, it's still a little too fresh, and my pride a little too great.
As far as the job hunt goes, it's not. Since I'm moving, I'll just have to figure it out from square one and do a LOT of couch-surfing before I find my first big-girl job. And if I fail, I'll move back here and start all over. Trust me, I'm no stranger to that concept. It's been an interesting summer so far: one of reflection, learning, and definitely stretching my mind and body. Lots of good, good life experiences have and are taking place. I can only hope that I will be this lucky and blessed for the rest of my life.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
June 23, 2011
April 18, 2011
About to be a Noob
Dude. The end of school is in like... 28 days. Holy balls.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately because I have recently experienced things that will make me a better person and help me decide what I really want to do when I grow up.
So... to update you all on my recent life, I haven been quite busy the past few weeks. The highlights of them are as follows:
The most monumentous experience took place in Malawi, Africa. I was only there for 10 days, but I can truly say it was life changing.
We snuggled with babies in a crisis nursery built for abandoned and helpless babies, we organized two mobile clinics where we went out into the bush and served about 700 people, and soaking it all in. Life there is so different. It's really even hard to explain. One of the things that stuck out to us most (and that I loved) was the concept of "Africa time". Two hours means five, be there at 8 means be there at 845. Everyone just lives.
The other part about the trip that was so amazing was all the people I got to share the experience with and met. The nurses, doctors, and the other student that went with me were so much a part of the experience and will certainly live in my memory forever. Cheesy as hell, but think what you will. It. was. AWESOME. I can't say enough about it. Everyone should do a trip like this at some point in their life, because it teaches you so many things; not only about yourself, but it gives you a clearer picture of what the world is, and puts you in such an appreciative and global mindset. The world gets a little smaller every time I go on a trip, and that, my friends, is a wonderful feeling.
Moving on to less exciting things: the job hunt. MAN does it suck. I've put out 34 applications, I think. I lost count. And I'm pretty sure I'm starting to look like the guy with the sign. As of late, I've been deciding to just go with it. Just see where life takes me. I'm doing everything I can right now to be successful, and that's really all I can ask of myself. Sure, I have days where all I do is watch Intervention on Netflix, but you can't be hypervigilant all the time or you'll just go bonkers.
I'm still dead set on moving to New York City. It's where I want to be right now, and there are so many people up there and over here who are supporting me, and for that I will be eternally grateful. One of my besties is getting married this summer, and I'll take my licensing exam and go from there. Life is pretty exciting right now. I'll close with some more pictures from the trip.
"In our country we’ve got something called Ubuntu. When I want to praise you, I say this person has Ubuntu. Because in our culture there is no such thing as a solitary individual, we say a person is a person through other persons; that we belong in the bundle of life. And I want you to be all you can be; because that’s the only way I can be all I can be. I need you! I need you to be you so that I can be me. The only way we can be human is together! The only way we can be free is together! The only way we can ever be secure is together! The only way we can ever be free... is together."
-Desmond Tutu
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately because I have recently experienced things that will make me a better person and help me decide what I really want to do when I grow up.
So... to update you all on my recent life, I haven been quite busy the past few weeks. The highlights of them are as follows:
The most monumentous experience took place in Malawi, Africa. I was only there for 10 days, but I can truly say it was life changing.
We snuggled with babies in a crisis nursery built for abandoned and helpless babies, we organized two mobile clinics where we went out into the bush and served about 700 people, and soaking it all in. Life there is so different. It's really even hard to explain. One of the things that stuck out to us most (and that I loved) was the concept of "Africa time". Two hours means five, be there at 8 means be there at 845. Everyone just lives.
The other part about the trip that was so amazing was all the people I got to share the experience with and met. The nurses, doctors, and the other student that went with me were so much a part of the experience and will certainly live in my memory forever. Cheesy as hell, but think what you will. It. was. AWESOME. I can't say enough about it. Everyone should do a trip like this at some point in their life, because it teaches you so many things; not only about yourself, but it gives you a clearer picture of what the world is, and puts you in such an appreciative and global mindset. The world gets a little smaller every time I go on a trip, and that, my friends, is a wonderful feeling.
Moving on to less exciting things: the job hunt. MAN does it suck. I've put out 34 applications, I think. I lost count. And I'm pretty sure I'm starting to look like the guy with the sign. As of late, I've been deciding to just go with it. Just see where life takes me. I'm doing everything I can right now to be successful, and that's really all I can ask of myself. Sure, I have days where all I do is watch Intervention on Netflix, but you can't be hypervigilant all the time or you'll just go bonkers.
I'm still dead set on moving to New York City. It's where I want to be right now, and there are so many people up there and over here who are supporting me, and for that I will be eternally grateful. One of my besties is getting married this summer, and I'll take my licensing exam and go from there. Life is pretty exciting right now. I'll close with some more pictures from the trip.
"In our country we’ve got something called Ubuntu. When I want to praise you, I say this person has Ubuntu. Because in our culture there is no such thing as a solitary individual, we say a person is a person through other persons; that we belong in the bundle of life. And I want you to be all you can be; because that’s the only way I can be all I can be. I need you! I need you to be you so that I can be me. The only way we can be human is together! The only way we can be free is together! The only way we can ever be secure is together! The only way we can ever be free... is together."
-Desmond Tutu
January 15, 2011
New Year, New Life
And so, it is 2011. Whoa.
I think the biggest thing I've been thinking about is the end of college. Seriously, WHERE did the time go?!
A lot of things will be happening in the next 9 months. A LOT.
1. I have decided to move to New York!
It's pretty scary, but really exciting at the same time, especially since I'm going by myself. I think it will be such a great thing to go alone, to be honest. It will be like going to Ronda all over again, without the language barrier, and lots more people! Also, I have come to the realization that I probably won't be living in Manhattan, which I'm fine with actually. Yeah, it super glamorous and there's tons to do, but it is SO expensive. I've been looking at sublets and room shares, but the idea of living with someone I don't know is kind of scary. I really lucked out with my roommates from college, but going to a city of 15 million people and trying to find a roommate is a completely different story. And I really want to have a dog.
So, en fin, I am looking in other boroughs like Brooklyn and Queens. They are way cheaper, and I think I'd like a place to escape to so that I can go into the city once in awhile, and live in a place that's not constantly surrounded by throngs of tourists. It will be more like having a "home" rather than "an apartment in the city".
The other thing that's so hard about finding a place to live, right now at least, is that I can't be there physically. I can't see the apartments I've been checking out, or the areas they are in, and obviously I want to be sure I'm going to be in a safe place so I don't have to carry a shank around.
2. I will be graduating in like... 4 months. With a bachelor's degree. THAT IS INSANITY. I'll have to get a grown up job. Sad face. It will have its perks, but finding a grown up job is so daunting. I've been looking at lists of New York hospitals to see where I want to apply, and they are miles long! I don't even know where to begin looking! And to top it all off, being a new grad and trying to get a job sucks for everyone, but looking at job postings, they all want "at least a year of experience". Riddle me this, hospital: how am I supposed to have experience when no one will give me experience?! So frustrating.
3. Boards. Oh dear. Thinking about boards gives me a stomach ache. I hate standardized exams to begin with, but to take one that decides the rest of your life is like... 1390817320498x scarier. I've already started studying, so hopefully little by little I'll be able to know enough and review enough that I will pass with flying colors the first time.
4. Animals: recently (again) I have become dog-crazed. I am constantly frequenting craigslist and petfinder looking for animals. I tried adopting an animal last summer, and it didn't work out. I was so heartbroken that I couldn't keep little Winnie. My schedule was still pretty irregular, and it really is like having a child. I just wasn't ready I don't think. Living in New York, though, probably alone, I will definitely want a doggie to be there when I come home, wagging their little tail and happy to see me. SO MUCH BETTER THAN A BOYFRIEND.
5. Training. Dear LORD there is a long process for getting a NY License. Just reading about all the crap I have to do gives me a headache, but it will definitely be worth it in the end. First, I have to apply and send them some money, and then I have to do all the training. And all this has to be done before I can even apply for a job. I feel like I'm in a video game and time is running out. I know in my head that it's not, but it's so overwhelming.
Life's going to be a bit tumultuous and scary for a bit, but it's nothing I can't handle. It will just require a lot of planning and praying and wishing on lucky stars that everything works out. Also, I will be having the most kick-ass farewell party EVER, so you better show up.
I think the biggest thing I've been thinking about is the end of college. Seriously, WHERE did the time go?!
A lot of things will be happening in the next 9 months. A LOT.
1. I have decided to move to New York!
It's pretty scary, but really exciting at the same time, especially since I'm going by myself. I think it will be such a great thing to go alone, to be honest. It will be like going to Ronda all over again, without the language barrier, and lots more people! Also, I have come to the realization that I probably won't be living in Manhattan, which I'm fine with actually. Yeah, it super glamorous and there's tons to do, but it is SO expensive. I've been looking at sublets and room shares, but the idea of living with someone I don't know is kind of scary. I really lucked out with my roommates from college, but going to a city of 15 million people and trying to find a roommate is a completely different story. And I really want to have a dog.
So, en fin, I am looking in other boroughs like Brooklyn and Queens. They are way cheaper, and I think I'd like a place to escape to so that I can go into the city once in awhile, and live in a place that's not constantly surrounded by throngs of tourists. It will be more like having a "home" rather than "an apartment in the city".
The other thing that's so hard about finding a place to live, right now at least, is that I can't be there physically. I can't see the apartments I've been checking out, or the areas they are in, and obviously I want to be sure I'm going to be in a safe place so I don't have to carry a shank around.
2. I will be graduating in like... 4 months. With a bachelor's degree. THAT IS INSANITY. I'll have to get a grown up job. Sad face. It will have its perks, but finding a grown up job is so daunting. I've been looking at lists of New York hospitals to see where I want to apply, and they are miles long! I don't even know where to begin looking! And to top it all off, being a new grad and trying to get a job sucks for everyone, but looking at job postings, they all want "at least a year of experience". Riddle me this, hospital: how am I supposed to have experience when no one will give me experience?! So frustrating.
3. Boards. Oh dear. Thinking about boards gives me a stomach ache. I hate standardized exams to begin with, but to take one that decides the rest of your life is like... 1390817320498x scarier. I've already started studying, so hopefully little by little I'll be able to know enough and review enough that I will pass with flying colors the first time.
4. Animals: recently (again) I have become dog-crazed. I am constantly frequenting craigslist and petfinder looking for animals. I tried adopting an animal last summer, and it didn't work out. I was so heartbroken that I couldn't keep little Winnie. My schedule was still pretty irregular, and it really is like having a child. I just wasn't ready I don't think. Living in New York, though, probably alone, I will definitely want a doggie to be there when I come home, wagging their little tail and happy to see me. SO MUCH BETTER THAN A BOYFRIEND.
5. Training. Dear LORD there is a long process for getting a NY License. Just reading about all the crap I have to do gives me a headache, but it will definitely be worth it in the end. First, I have to apply and send them some money, and then I have to do all the training. And all this has to be done before I can even apply for a job. I feel like I'm in a video game and time is running out. I know in my head that it's not, but it's so overwhelming.
Life's going to be a bit tumultuous and scary for a bit, but it's nothing I can't handle. It will just require a lot of planning and praying and wishing on lucky stars that everything works out. Also, I will be having the most kick-ass farewell party EVER, so you better show up.
August 13, 2010
Another day, another whatever
And so it is 105 degrees today. I hate August for several reasons, one of which being the blistering heat. I do also hate the fact that school starts again in a week. Lame.
I love a lot of things, but I love having conversations with Dad. They always make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and they always give me a new insight or shed light on another facet of his life. It's so fun to kind of "discover" your parents as people and not parents when you get older.
Blech. I don't really know what to write, I guess. It's been a really interesting summer. It FLEW by since we had class and clinical. I learned a lot, discovered that Peds might be for me, I went on three vacations, hung out with several really fantastic people, and had some new experiences, which always makes my life feel a little fuller.
I just got back from a trip with two of my best friends to New York City. It was a really good trip, but also a really eye-opening one. I had never spent that much time with either of them really, so it was interesting to see how we interacted for a week. It made my relationships with both of them change a little because I realized new things about both of them. I always say: traveling with someone makes you see all the ugly. I didn't see ALL the ugly, but I did see new sides of them that I had never seen before, and it made me appreciate them both for the humans that they are, and the women that we are all becoming.
I also realized that I am a true Kansas girl. Not that I want to live here forever, because that is DEFINITELY not true, but that I enjoy giving people the time of day, and moving out of the effing way when I'm walking down the street, and giving two shits that someone needs my help. When you live in a big city like New York, it's really easy to get wrapped up in yourself and your schedule and your friends. You make the huge city small because it is so overwhelming. I just hope that wherever I end up, I don't lose my good ol' Midwestern values and upbringing. As old-fashioned as that sounds: take it or leave it, because it's the truth.
It's so funny how we all change over time, how we evolve into ourselves. We go to school, get jobs, move away, meet new people, have new roommates, and learn about ourselves all at the same time. I just hope that I never stop learning, and that I never forget to literally stop and smell the roses.
I love a lot of things, but I love having conversations with Dad. They always make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and they always give me a new insight or shed light on another facet of his life. It's so fun to kind of "discover" your parents as people and not parents when you get older.
Blech. I don't really know what to write, I guess. It's been a really interesting summer. It FLEW by since we had class and clinical. I learned a lot, discovered that Peds might be for me, I went on three vacations, hung out with several really fantastic people, and had some new experiences, which always makes my life feel a little fuller.
I just got back from a trip with two of my best friends to New York City. It was a really good trip, but also a really eye-opening one. I had never spent that much time with either of them really, so it was interesting to see how we interacted for a week. It made my relationships with both of them change a little because I realized new things about both of them. I always say: traveling with someone makes you see all the ugly. I didn't see ALL the ugly, but I did see new sides of them that I had never seen before, and it made me appreciate them both for the humans that they are, and the women that we are all becoming.
I also realized that I am a true Kansas girl. Not that I want to live here forever, because that is DEFINITELY not true, but that I enjoy giving people the time of day, and moving out of the effing way when I'm walking down the street, and giving two shits that someone needs my help. When you live in a big city like New York, it's really easy to get wrapped up in yourself and your schedule and your friends. You make the huge city small because it is so overwhelming. I just hope that wherever I end up, I don't lose my good ol' Midwestern values and upbringing. As old-fashioned as that sounds: take it or leave it, because it's the truth.
It's so funny how we all change over time, how we evolve into ourselves. We go to school, get jobs, move away, meet new people, have new roommates, and learn about ourselves all at the same time. I just hope that I never stop learning, and that I never forget to literally stop and smell the roses.
September 24, 2008
i'm so confused!
ok so that guy i mentioned earlier is no more. i called him today and let him down as gently as i could. it just sucks because i knew i hurt his feelings, and i thought i heard a bit of crying as i said my goodbyes. he came up to see me. it was good. but i realized that my attraction to him was almost purely physical. i loved it when he would wrap his arms around me, or hold my hand, but we really didn't have that much in common. he loves tv. i watch a grand total of like 3 shows. he's not academic. i'm going to graduate school. he never expressed any long term goals. i have a thousand things i want to do before i'm thirty. i just wish i didn't feel like such a jerk. it had to be done, but i still feel like a complete jerk. and i also deleted him off my friends list on facebook. that sounds terrible, but i really don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. just make a clean break. he lives an hour away from where i'm from, we don't have any of the same friends, i never have to see him again. and i told him that he would find someone else who was prettier than me, who was ready for him.
i just couldn't see past the macho, guy stuff. i realized that i can't date a "guy's guy" who watches ESPN all the time and talks to me for HOURS about what's on TV when all i really want to talk about is something important: a family story or what your plans are. it doesn't have to be that deep every time, but COME ON. throw me a bone here. i'm glad that i did it, but again, i just feel crappy for hurting him. there wasn't another way unfortunately. and i hate to be the girl that ruined his day, but i couldn't just wait around, and i couldn't do it on a bad day or else he might get even MORE depressed and i don't want to be responsible for that.
i told him that i know he's a good person and that he possesses a lot of qualities that girls are attracted to, i just lost interest. plain and simple. and i am much, much too busy to be dating anyone. i barely have time to relax for mySELF let alone putting all the effort into making another person feel better if they need it. i don't know. i'm just completely wacked, and i don't really know what to do. it sucks. this sucks.
i just couldn't see past the macho, guy stuff. i realized that i can't date a "guy's guy" who watches ESPN all the time and talks to me for HOURS about what's on TV when all i really want to talk about is something important: a family story or what your plans are. it doesn't have to be that deep every time, but COME ON. throw me a bone here. i'm glad that i did it, but again, i just feel crappy for hurting him. there wasn't another way unfortunately. and i hate to be the girl that ruined his day, but i couldn't just wait around, and i couldn't do it on a bad day or else he might get even MORE depressed and i don't want to be responsible for that.
i told him that i know he's a good person and that he possesses a lot of qualities that girls are attracted to, i just lost interest. plain and simple. and i am much, much too busy to be dating anyone. i barely have time to relax for mySELF let alone putting all the effort into making another person feel better if they need it. i don't know. i'm just completely wacked, and i don't really know what to do. it sucks. this sucks.
September 10, 2008
wow...
it's been awhile. well... i'm in my fall semester. it's more than a little ridiculous on the school front. i'm taking seventeen hours (micro, anatomy, nutrition, and child development plus two labs) and that is keeping me terribly busy. i feel like i live under a rock with my textbooks. i've been up here for almost a month and i think i've watched tv maybe... three times? probably less. i'm always, ALWAYS studying. don't get me wrong, most of what i'm studying is really useful and applicable to my field, which i LOVE, but it's just so much, you know?
i've also been talking to this guy, who shall remain nameless, for about the same amount of time. he seems really sweet, but i kind of worry about him. he's soooo much more invested in it than i am. we aren't even official, and he calls me 'babe' and 'baby'. it makes me feel good to know that someone cares about you that much, but i don't know that i can reciprocate the feelings as strongly. i have serious relationship issues. in fact, i call myself "relationship retarded" because, well, i'm twenty years old, and i've literally never dated anyone. i've been on a grand total of two dates, which were my sophomore year of high school [therefore, they don't really count]. i don't know. i'm just trying to play it by ear.
i have realized, though, that i'm not one of those giddy oh-my-god-i-have-a-bee eff girls, which i'm kind of glad about, because to be honest, i am a bit annoyed by those girls. i think pda's are completely unnecessary. he's coming up to see me this weekend, and he can't stop talking about it, so i know he's excited. i'll be glad to see him. it's just really confusing.
also... i am definitely going to Spain single. [if i get all my paperwork in :P] There is NO WAY i'm going to be in the midst of all those amazingly beautiful men and be tied down to someone thousands of miles away. i should probably let this boy know about that. i just HATE hurting people's feelings. i'm too much of a people pleaser. and every time it screws me over. i just need to learn already!
well... that's my bit, hopefully i'll keep writing when i need a study break.
peace out!
<3>
May 8, 2008
some things
some things have happened over the past few weeks that made me judge my own character. unfortunately, there is nothing i can do to take back what i did, but it gave me an entirely new perspective, and i can truly say that i will not judge anyone ever again.
it's so crazy how life changes. you grow up in a seemingly perfect world where your parents protect you from life's harms. you're naive, and think that no one has cruel intentions, or that no one will hurt you. then you leave the nest. you're flying on your own, and things happen. mostly good things, but bad things as well. and you don't know how to deal with them. you can't talk about it because then people will judge you. how do i know? because i would judge me if i was told. so you go through the darkness alone to avoid humiliation and hurt, all the while hurting yourself more, not taking the pain away. so, so strange how life works.
and then there are good people. kind people. who lose things that they don't deserve to lose. a mother who loves her child until the day she dies at three months of age, or a teenager who is raped and loses her innocence too soon, or a man who goes to the ER with a headache and his children go home without a father.
i have faith. i believe in God. but i have a hard time wrapping my mind around free will. it's mostly a good thing, but when these instances (i like to call them free radicals) happen, you can't help but to think, "why doesn't this Higher Power, God, prevent these things?". we are always looking for something or someone to blame. and i've come to the harsh realization that shit happens. sometimes we don't know how or why, and most times it's extremely painful, but there's nothing we could have done to prevent it, or everything was done to salvage what was left of a terrible situation. life is hard. every day is a struggle to survive for someone. we just have to appreciate everything we have with all our being.
hug tighter
kiss longer
laugh harder
smile more
let the little things go
tell them you love them
because in the end, all we have is who we love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)