Momentous Moments

There are two things that happened this weekend that made my life.

1. My dear friends Ben and Lindsay, also known as LinzyJo married each other this weekend. I couldn't be happier for the two of them. They are absolutely perfect for each other. Lindsay was such a beautiful bride, and the whole day was nothing short of wonderous.

I never cry at weddings until the father-daughter dance. Always, always makes me cry. Just because I'm so close to my dad, and I think of how both me and Dad will be bawling like little babies when I get married (one of these decades). I certainly cried at this one. I find that I get a little more romantic and girly about the whole wedding/finding-a-soulmate thing as each wedding passes. I'll probably be the last one to marry, actually. I don't really long to be married, because I haven't found anybody who I think would be worth spending the rest of my life with yet. Harsh? Maybe. To all the guys I've dated: sorry, but it is true. Doesn't mean those guys aren't going to make some lucky girl a fantastic husband one day, I just won't be the girl. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get married.

Weddings are so great. Everybody is in such a love-y mood, and you get to spend all day with your closest friends and celebrating one of the biggest events in someone's life. It's just so great I can't even stand it. And it's not a wedding until the flower girl cries, and our little Brooke Pates certainly came through! She was definitely the Belle of the Ball. Forget the Bride, it was all about Brooke. What a little munchkin.

Also, can I please point out, that when you marry the person you're supposed to marry, know that your spouse is also marrying your family and friends. People don't think about that part of things, but it's really true. I am so proud to call Ben an extended member of my family now. He fits in perfectly to my ever-growing circle of close friends. Gives me the warm fuzzies.

Lindsay said the cutest thing to me after all the dancing and getting ready to head off in their beautifully tagged and canned car. She said, "I asked them when it all sinks in, and you know what they said? 'If you're with the one you're supposed to be with, it never sinks in. That's how you know'". I thought that was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever heard. Every day should feel like you're falling in love all over again, I love that. Sap, sap, sap.

2. My best friend in the whole wide world called me today to tell me that I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNTIE!!!!! Words cannot describe how happy I am for her and her husband. And for me. Duh. I can't to be the cool, fun aunt. Starting a family. Holy balls. We're growing up, dudes.

People are moving for graduate school, getting married, having babies. Sometimes I feel like such a worthless piece of crap because I'm just barely graduated, I don't have even a pretend relationship with anyone, I'm nowhere near ready to have any kids. The closest I'll come to any sort of commitment right now is getting a dog.

I'm so flighty and non-commital about relationships. They freak me out. For some deep seeded reasons that I won't mention on a public blog, I've been taught to have a deep distrust for men. No matter now nice, or gentlemanly they may seem on the outside, there's always something dark lurking, and they're just waiting to hurt you. I'm just really afraid of getting hurt. Also, they think with their Johnsons. I can't imagine investing all this time and energy into getting to know someone and all their quirks and habits, and then realize that either it's not going to work out, or to have the other person, who you thought you loved, leave. I would be so heartbroken. I work hard, play hard, and love with an intensity that I can't really describe. For the few people I truly call close friends, I can say that I love them so much that I really wouldn't have a problem sacrificing my life for any one of them. Wouldn't even bat an eye. So you see, if I was to invest in someone, I want to do it right. I really do need to get over that fear of getting hurt. It's not getting me anywhere. Problem is: I don't really know how.

Enough with all the drama, let's focus on the happy things in life: marriages, babies, friends and family. Those are the important things. A toast: that we always remember who we love and why we love them. Amen.


To Lindsay and Ben: may your lives be bursting with fun, love, laughs, adventure, and any other magnificent thing you can think up. I love you both.

Realizations are a bitch

Well.. over the last month I have realized that finding a job, even as a nurse, won't be as easy as I was hoping, or as I expected. I feel like there is a clock ticking away and I'm running out of time! So stressful!

My absolute dream is moving to New York, but the licensure thing is definitely throwing me for a loop. I just don't know if I'll have time to get all that done before someone wants to hire me. I've been applying all over. With all kinds of care: oncology, home health, med/surg. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

I have to say, though, that since I have made this lovely announcement, people have been so great about helping me: offering me a couch to crash on, I even have one person who is trying to help me get a job at her hospital: Sloan-Kettering. It's a legit place, lemme tell ya!

I don't know. I would love to get the hell out of dodge as soon as possible, but I don't know if that will be tangible. I keep closing my eyes and seeing myself hopping on and off the subway--which, by the way, after this snowpocalypse, I ABSOLUTELY NEVER WANT TO HAVE A CAR AGAIN. What an effing story.

Let's go down that road for a second, because it's just ridiculous. So basically, this picture is what happened to my car. I went to clinical that day, being the good little student that I am, and watched as the world slowly turned completely bleak and white. I finally left at about 4, so my day was only 9 hours, because if I hadn't, I would have spent the night. And people, that was the LAST thing I wanted to do. So I bundle up, go to the employee lot which is 1093857102398 miles away, and what do I find? The snow plows have boxed me in. EFF. So then, I traipsed back the 1093857102398 miles back to the hospital and batted my eyes at a dude with a caterpillar so he could dig me out.

I then proceeded to have a heart attack the whole way home because I couldn't see but 5 cm in front of my car. I finally made it to little 42nd street, and tried driving down Booth Place. No dice. Stuck. So I parked on 42nd, thinking "I'll move it when the plows come by". Turns out 42nd is an emergency snow route, though there are ABSOLUTELY NO SIGNS, and my car was towed. THEN, I go down to the shadiest tow lot on the freaking planet to retrieve Baby Jetta, pay the 180 bucks, and try to go on my not-so-merry way. I then find the car shimmying at 60mph: my alignment got fucked by the hooks on the truck. So THEN, I had to pay another 260 to have my alignment fixed and rods replaced since they had been bent. Fantastico.

Needless to say, my blood was boiling for about 5 days.

But back to the situation at hand: New Yaaawwwkkk and jobs, yes. So... basically I will take wherever will hire me at this point. I am trying my hardest to do what I really want, but that may not happen right away, and I'm kind of ok with that. I've applied for about 10 jobs so far, most at Shawnee Mission here in KC. I applied for a couple Home Health agencies in San Francisco, Denver, and I think Chicago, Sloan-Kettering in New York, a couple of Home Health agencies there I think... Everywhere basically.

Being a grown-up is definitely not all it was cracked up to be. 10-year-olds of the world: heed my words. Stop wishing for it.

It's been awhile...

Yikes. I should probs update this thing more often than every four months.

Well, I'm half way through my senior year of college, and one semester away from being a nurse. I'm still kind of shocked/trying to take it all in. College has been the craziest, most awesome blur, and it's weird to think that it will be over soon.

Today was Christmas, the day that everyone most loves during the year. Ok, well probably not EVERYONE, but you know... The Pirottes always make Thanksgiving the legit holiday, but I have to say, this Christmas was pretty freakin fantastic. We usually spend Christmas with Mom's family, and that is precisely what happened...

I also gained five pounds. Today.

I'm leaving for Buenos Aires in a couple of days!! It's going to be really awesome for several reasons: 1. it's summer there. 2. I get to speak spanish all day for three weeks 3. we get to meet Los Pirottes del Sur!! It's gonna be fantastic.

I've also been thinking about post-graduation plans. First off: HOLY BALLS I'M GRADUATING IN 5 MONTHS. Second of all: boards are going to make me crap my pants. Third of all, it will be really weird to live life without school in it, at least for the time being. Grad school is definitely in the words, but not for a few years. I need a break, for shiz.

As far as living situations, I'm kind of torn between two cities. First of all, I want to live in a place where I don't need a car. They are expensive, dangerous, and bad for the environment, and I just hate driving, so why do I need to keep my car? Also, I want to get re-involved in theatre and music, and bigger cities have more opportunities for that. Also, bigger cities are more glamorous, let's be honest.

Originally, I was going to move with a friend of mine to Chicago. I wanted to go to NYC, but she didn't, so we compromised on Chicago. I love Chicago, but the weather is a pretty big deterrent. Though, I have Matt (my cousin) there, who claims he can get me a job (we'll see, he THINKS he's a big deal, HA!), it's a hop and a skip home, and it's much closer to the people I love. Cost of living is less than New York, but is it really worth being cold as hell for 7 months of the year?

New York, on the other hand, is also a fantastic city, it was my first choice, and I have friends there as well. Uncle Pete Gonzales and family are also a hop and a skip, and Josh (basically my little brother) is living there. Cost of living is ridiculous, but I'd really like to say that I've lived there. Besides the "cool" factor, I think living in New York, or a place like it, could teach me a lot, and provide me with a lot of opportunities that I wouldn't otherwise have. We'll see. I WILL be in one of those two cities this time next year.

Life is getting exciting! It's stressful to think about, but very, very exciting at the same time. I'll get to LIVE. I won't be chained to books, I can delve into things like Big Brothers Big Sisters/volunteer work, I can go to shows, and just plain explore a city without having to worry about an assignment or a test coming up. I can't even imagine what that's like, but I can't wait until it is the reality.

This time of year, I am so thankful for the people in my life and how they have gotten me where I am today. I would not be the same person without the ridiculous, fun, supportive, loving crowd that I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by for the past 22 years. Life is good, and it's only going to get better.

Summer, but not summer

It's summer, but not summer. Taking classes during the summer months is the WORST idea anybody ever came up with. I can't concentrate at all, have no motivation EVER for studying, and just want to laze around all damn day and soak up the sun. School of Nursing: heed my words.

So I am sitting in my friend's apartment in Minnetonka, Minnesota chillaxin away and it is pretty fantastic I have to say. We have been friends for a LONG time, but we both go to different schools and have different tracks we are on, so it's hard to see each other. I love her though, because whenever I see her, we pick up where we left off. She's pretty amazing: SO smart, beautiful, top athlete, I am proud to call her friend.

I'm so happy for her. She's started a whole new chapter: branched out, MOVED somewhere. We were talking about that last night: how it seems like everyone is afraid to fly the coop for a while. Yeah, it's scary, let's be honest, but I don't think I could live with all the 'what ifs' if I DIDN'T. It was like I resolved earlier: I want my life to be something amazing, and it's so good to be connected with someone who shares that interest. I find the more "cosmopolitan" I become, the smaller the world gets, which is weird and comforting at the same time.

My current obsession is trying to scrounge up some money to go to Africa next year for my elective. It's going to be an amazing trip where we provide basic health services, do exams and whatnot, and ends with a Safari! I have always wanted to go to Africa and do something like this, so I really hope that I get the trip. If not, there is always the Peace Corps, which I am planning to do in the next few years. I can't decide if I want to go to a Spanish-speaking country so that they can use my skill, or if I want to go somewhere COMPLETELY foreign and unfamiliar. We will see.

I have also been thinking a lot about dating. I've "dated" several guys over the past few months, and I think I'm finally becoming OK with the concept of dating for the sake of dating. Before, from the Catholic school perspective, dating is about finding your husband/wife. Which, let's be real, it IS at some point but dear Lord that's a lot of pressure! Think about it: if you go into every relationship or on every date with that thought in the back of your head, how are you supposed to have a good time?! I remember the first guy that I dated I thought, well... treat it reverently and tip-toe around because he may be Mr. Right. It was so neurotic and weird, and I scared myself off. He WASN'T Mr. Right, and all I did was freak myself out. I have come to realize though, that every person you date is one LESS person you have to date, and every person gives you the gift of knowing what you DON'T want in a person.

Dating is hard. I don't like it. I've always been kind of old fashioned in the sense that I want to be pursued, and not have to be the "forward" one, but I'm realizing that is kind of stupid, I just can't seem to get around my fear of asking a guy out without sending mixed signals. There is one guy right now that I have been friends with for a long time who I may have some interest in, I'm not sure. He's really sweet, smart, funny, we like a lot of the same things, and he's just a good person. If he asked me out I would say yes, but the real dilemma is: do I ask him out if he doesn't ask me? It's always hard because you never know if they will think that is assertive of me, or if it is emasculating... Like I said: dating. is. hard. We'll just have to hope for the best!

so...

i'm considering getting a fish for my apartment. we used to have them when i was little. it was a huge tank and we had all sorts of fish. cardinals, goldfish, tiger fish i think they were called. i remember sitting there watching them swim around in that tank for what seemed like forever. it probably wasn't any more than about 10 minutes since my attention span wasn't that great :P. i never even thought about it until just now.

i am really cheap though, like a bare necessities kind of girl. yeah i'll miss having an animal... a LOT, but i can live. any animal requires monetary maintenance, and i just don't know if i'm willing to put in the few dollars a week to feed it. it could be fun, but we'll see. as i said in the last post: life is too much fun when you fly by the seat of your pants, and i think that's probably what i'll end up doing on this little venture.

how much does it cost to get a fish anyway? i guess i'll just have to find out!

i was just thinking: people's perceptions of you are so strange and interesting. a lot of times they don't really make sense. here's the perfect example: one of my best friends told me that the first time she saw me she thought i would be a total bitch because of my hair. of all things! my hair! i just thought that was hilarious and really interesting. it's weird how we judge people's personalities based on the way they carry themselves, or their hair, or their voice, or what clothes they wear. i'm definitely guilty of it, but i still think it's terribly interesting. ::sigh:: i smell like gasoline and freshly cut grass. i can't decide if i like it or not. have a marvelous rest of the week!

to cottonwood trees and the summer breeze,
Maria

it's been awhile...

i never write on this thing. mainly because i have five million other "about me" websites on facebook and myspace and all those other things. i do like to have an outlet to just say what i want to say. it's quite nice.

well... since last i wrote, i have lived in spain, and lost a job because of the recession, so life has been a bit tumultuous as of late, but i'm loving it anyway.

living in spain was the most glorious experience ever. i lived with a family in the south, Ronda, in the middle of the mountains. it was so beautiful there. i learned a lot from my family, and home life was pretty difficult at times. i think they forgot that i'm an adult sometimes, and my spanish was never that great to begin with, so we had some trouble communicating things. the school was amazing, and the people i met there were so great. my teachers were such interesting people, and i learned so much from them. i experienced a lot while i was over there, and for that i'm extremely thankful. i met some extremely open minded, educated, just-plain-cool people while i was over there.. i wish i didn't have to come back to the USA and start living in the real world.

i am starting nursing school here in about three weeks. it's exciting and scary at the same time. i'm coming down the home stretch for school. it's so hard to imagine my life without school. i don't know what i'll be doing when i graduate, just working, but i don't know where or for how long, and i'm ok with that. i learned while i was in europe that life is much more fun when you fly by the seat of your pants. in moderation of course.

this summer has been really great for getting to see old friends. and realize how few friends i have from high school left. i'm so glad that all the people i don't want to see anymore have been 'weeded out' so to speak. it's so refreshing. i don't think i have much more to say other than i'm extremely thankful, and we'll see what the future brings!

paz, amor, y que viva españa!